Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Florida (386)

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  It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.

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  (386): It's like God was speaking to me through a penis. http://tfl.nu/n7ui
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  I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness

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  (386): I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness http://tfl.nu/l65r
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  Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved

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  (386): Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved http://tfl.nu/rva0
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  totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.

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  (386): totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen. http://tfl.nu/yxbj
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  well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.

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  (386): well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake. http://tfl.nu/2ev4
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  I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve

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  (386): I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve http://tfl.nu/p2o3
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  being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.

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  (386): being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop. http://tfl.nu/b39q
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  You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?

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  Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.

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  (386): You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...? (1-386): Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge. http://tfl.nu/modl
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  I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."

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  (386): I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount." http://tfl.nu/nxe2
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  smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.

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  (386): smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina. http://tfl.nu/3vsv
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  Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".

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  (386): Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant". http://tfl.nu/zn3b
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  It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina

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  It really is the softest mustache

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  (386): It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina (386): It really is the softest mustache http://tfl.nu/mbrj
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  At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?

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  (386): At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"? http://tfl.nu/260m
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  Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.

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  (386): Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here. http://tfl.nu/vy2d
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  He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.

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  (386): He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck. http://tfl.nu/cvbc
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