I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
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her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
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my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.