i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
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you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.