He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
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Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
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It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant