I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
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i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.