I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.