I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night