I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
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we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
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Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him