some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.