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I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
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