He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.