I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup