there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?