If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me