I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
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He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
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Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup