You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.