there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt