he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess