and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess