I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.