You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.