Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?