i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird