So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird