Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.