i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
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So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love