Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.