my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.