I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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