im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.