I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?