I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.