Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!