You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
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You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with