I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.