You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.