He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs