Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.