I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
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We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
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The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.