she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.