Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy