I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.