Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
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She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
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She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?