He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.