Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome