So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."