you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT