Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
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The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps