He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
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Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
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But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?