RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.