I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you