Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts