Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth