i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?