Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
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He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
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We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.