Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New York (716)

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  And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.

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  (716): And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself. http://tfl.nu/r0kt
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  since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?

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  (716): since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night? http://tfl.nu/hysj
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  u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.

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  (716): u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you. http://tfl.nu/wk7e
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  Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend

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  (716): Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend http://tfl.nu/uh4h
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  i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control

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  (716): i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control http://tfl.nu/09xh
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  can you take me to a tanning bed

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  sure, why though?

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  i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious

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  (716): can you take me to a tanning bed (1-716): sure, why though? (716): i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious http://tfl.nu/lgox
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  Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.

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  (716): Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike. http://tfl.nu/hlna
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  Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."

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  (716): Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per." http://tfl.nu/jili
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  i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis

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  (716): i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis http://tfl.nu/uywx
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  i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.

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  (716): i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am. http://tfl.nu/ap7z
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  i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...

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  (716): i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control... http://tfl.nu/d926
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  i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts

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  (716): i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts http://tfl.nu/g5xn
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  holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !

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  How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'

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  (716): holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today ! (1-716): How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...' http://tfl.nu/v4tn
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  Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.

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  (716): Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it. http://tfl.nu/yc12
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  i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...

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  (716): i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward... http://tfl.nu/0sye
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