I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.