Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun