Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (716)

Last Night in New York (716)

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(716): View more from New York

i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave

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(716): i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave http://tfl.nu/v8cs

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I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?

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(716): I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays? http://tfl.nu/wnqx

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Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.

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(716): Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise. http://tfl.nu/ygq6

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honey bunches of taint.

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(716): honey bunches of taint. http://tfl.nu/msqz

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you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog

(716): View more from New York

do you not see the irony in that??

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(619): you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog (716): do you not see the irony in that?? http://tfl.nu/h8wi

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Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...

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(716): Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises... http://tfl.nu/8fi6

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Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.

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(716): Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed. http://tfl.nu/65fd

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Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her

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(716): Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her http://tfl.nu/fzg2

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broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.

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you're writing country songs now?

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(585): broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me. (716): you're writing country songs now? http://tfl.nu/hdm9

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You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.

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(716): You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked. http://tfl.nu/6dqf

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(716): View more from New York

We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.

(907): View more from Alaska

well done

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(716): We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter. (907): well done http://tfl.nu/po76

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The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"

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(716): The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!" http://tfl.nu/wz9q

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(630): View more from Illinois

bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.

(716): View more from New York

i dont this its possible to queef on command.

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(630): bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face. (716): i dont this its possible to queef on command. http://tfl.nu/u9ov

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i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.

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(716): i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy. http://tfl.nu/q9at

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do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?

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(716): do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car? http://tfl.nu/kx3d

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Last Night in New York (716)

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