Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (714)

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  (714): View more from California

  they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.

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  (714): they just dont make restraining orders like they used to. http://tfl.nu/scp3
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  So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him

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  (714): So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him http://tfl.nu/b7ho
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  Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.

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  (714): Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor. http://tfl.nu/w05t
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  tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will

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  and a girl gets the red ring of death every month

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  (562): tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will (714): and a girl gets the red ring of death every month http://tfl.nu/ybz8
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  his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time

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  (714): his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time http://tfl.nu/seuc
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  we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.

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  (714): we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180. http://tfl.nu/lfvw
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  he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday

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  (714): he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday http://tfl.nu/odld
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  what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?

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  (714): what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date? http://tfl.nu/fkwi
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  thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.

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  (714): thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him. http://tfl.nu/1l2e
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  I would go down on you faster than GM stock

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  (714): I would go down on you faster than GM stock http://tfl.nu/ai9f
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  He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.

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  (714): He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth. http://tfl.nu/egoc
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  DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"

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  (714): DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job" http://tfl.nu/slki
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  i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.

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  (714): i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing. http://tfl.nu/3dga
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  Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?

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  (714): Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix? http://tfl.nu/0vla
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  she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.

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  (714): she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt. http://tfl.nu/52xp
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