Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.