I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we're chasing vodka with high fives
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...