My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?