I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.