He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Houston, we have a squirter
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
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the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
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we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.