Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.