Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..