someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
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I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.