Texts From Last Night

Last Night in North Carolina (704)

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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash

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  (704): happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash http://tfl.nu/ibz5
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  When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell

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  (704): When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell http://tfl.nu/rk2d
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  You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.

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  (704): You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass. http://tfl.nu/jig4
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  you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks

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  (704): you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks http://tfl.nu/c3vj
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  I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel

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  (704): I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel http://tfl.nu/5qbt
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  I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!

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  Well, there goes breastfeeding.

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  (803): I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much! (704): Well, there goes breastfeeding. http://tfl.nu/c1mz
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  We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.

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  If you're joking I'm going to be sad

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  (704): We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's. (919): If you're joking I'm going to be sad http://tfl.nu/jh0h
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  i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them

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  (704): i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them http://tfl.nu/p2ze
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  So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.

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  (704): So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material. http://tfl.nu/5qwl
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  Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"

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  (704): Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?" http://tfl.nu/740o
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  oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess

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  (704): oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess http://tfl.nu/vowo
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  I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"

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  (704): I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful" http://tfl.nu/hdrb
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  so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low

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  (704): so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low http://tfl.nu/2nm4
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  How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''

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  (704): How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty'' http://tfl.nu/27gn
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  the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?

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  (704): the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer? http://tfl.nu/buzt
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