I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock