I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
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I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
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someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.