Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
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I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
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whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.