I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
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So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
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I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....