she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence