Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.