I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.