Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.