I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me