Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.