Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
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the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
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he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous