I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge