If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.