Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New Jersey (973)

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had

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  (973): we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had http://tfl.nu/lrsc
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  I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.

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  (973): I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance. http://tfl.nu/0bj8
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  How has he not realized you're pregnant?

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  Spanx.

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  (973): How has he not realized you're pregnant? (201): Spanx. http://tfl.nu/ts9v
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  pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy

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  (973): pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy http://tfl.nu/hiwh
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  but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days

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  (973): but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days http://tfl.nu/g4qr
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  no. you can't hotbox the world.

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  (973): no. you can't hotbox the world. http://tfl.nu/5as3
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  if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!

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  (973): if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out! http://tfl.nu/a5qm
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  gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.

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  (973): gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops. http://tfl.nu/1v8v
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  Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.

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  (973): Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day. http://tfl.nu/sevp
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  this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg

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  gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?

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  yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars

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  (973): this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg (1-973): gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something? (973): yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars http://tfl.nu/7tyz
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  Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical

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  (973): Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical http://tfl.nu/uh4w
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  maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game

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  (973): maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game http://tfl.nu/v1t4
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  my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from

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  (973): my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from http://tfl.nu/ptif
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  :( I miss blowjobs.

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  This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.

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  (862): :( I miss blowjobs. (973): This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had. http://tfl.nu/jn5t
  Replies (22) Good night (2761) Bad night (699)
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  I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes

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  (973): I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes http://tfl.nu/9abn
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