I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
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He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
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composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.