That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari