I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you had me at cake vodka
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?