Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks